Article
How do I ask for help when I am the one everyone leans on?
Being the reliable one is a real gift. It can also become a role you are not allowed to leave.
The short answer
Asking for help is a skill, not a character test. It usually starts with one specific request to one safe person, and it tends to feel far more dangerous than it turns out to be.
Why it feels dangerous
If your value in a family or friend group has been your steadiness, needing something can feel like breaking an agreement. Some women also fear that if they set the load down, no one will pick it up.
Occasionally that fear is accurate, which is worth knowing rather than testing indefinitely by carrying everything.
How to start
- Choose one person and one specific ask.
- Say the plain version. I am not doing well and I need to talk.
- Let them respond imperfectly. Most people try.
- Accept help when it is offered rather than deflecting it.
- Consider a professional, precisely because she does not need you to be strong.
Why counseling works well for this
A counseling hour is the rare relationship with no expectation that you hold it together for anyone. For many strong women, that alone is the relief they did not know was available.
Common questions
What if I do not have anyone to ask?
That is a common and painful place to be, and it is a legitimate reason to start counseling.
Will people think less of me?
Most people are relieved to be trusted.
Is one hour a week really enough?
For many women it is enough to change how the rest of the week goes.
Learn more about counseling for women and female students with Lori, or browse all articles for women and female students.
Written by Lori Rasmussen, LISW, a Licensed Independent Social Worker licensed in the State of Iowa and a Certified Spiritual Director. Lori counsels women and female students in Waterloo, Iowa and online across Iowa. Articles here are meant to help you understand what you may be experiencing; they are not a diagnosis and they do not take the place of care from a professional who knows your story.
Reaching out can be the first step.
You don't need to know exactly what to say, or have anything figured out, before you contact Lori.
Or email rasmussencounselingandsd@gmail.com