Article
Why does everyone else seem to have it figured out?
Graduation, first jobs, engagements, moves, plans. Everyone else appears to have received instructions you did not get.
The short answer
Almost nobody has it figured out in their twenties. Visible milestones say very little about how settled someone feels, and confidence in this decade generally comes from making decisions and living with them rather than from certainty.
What makes this decade heavy
You are choosing work, place, relationships and faith at the same time, often while carrying debt and comparing yourself to a feed of announcements.
Add the belief that the choices are permanent, and ordinary uncertainty starts feeling like failure.
What tends to help
- Make reversible decisions quickly and important ones slowly.
- Trade the plan for a direction. Directions can be adjusted.
- Find one older woman who will be honest about her own twenties.
- Let a job be a job for a while. It does not have to be your identity.
- Notice comparison as a signal to look away rather than a verdict to accept.
When counseling helps
If anxiety, low mood, eating or self-worth have become part of this, talking with someone is a practical step. Sessions are available in Waterloo or online across Iowa, which works around class and work schedules.
Common questions
Do you see women in their twenties?
Yes. Lori works with women and female students, roughly ages 13 to 65.
Is it too early for counseling?
No. Getting support during a formative decade is a reasonable use of it.
What if I do not know what I want?
That is a very common reason to come in, and it is workable.
Learn more about counseling for self-worth and confidence with Lori, or browse all articles on self-worth and confidence.
Written by Lori Rasmussen, LISW, a Licensed Independent Social Worker licensed in the State of Iowa and a Certified Spiritual Director. Lori counsels women and female students in Waterloo, Iowa and online across Iowa. Articles here are meant to help you understand what you may be experiencing; they are not a diagnosis and they do not take the place of care from a professional who knows your story.
Reaching out can be the first step.
You don't need to know exactly what to say, or have anything figured out, before you contact Lori.
Or email rasmussencounselingandsd@gmail.com