Article
How do I support someone with an eating disorder?
Love is not the missing ingredient. Most families are trying hard and getting hurt by the results.
The short answer
What helps most is steady presence, conversations that are not about food or bodies, professional care rather than family monitoring, and taking your own concern seriously without making the person the project.
What tends to help
- Speak about what you have noticed and how much you care, not about appearance.
- Keep comments about weight, bodies and diets out of the house entirely, including about yourself.
- Encourage professional care and let professionals hold the food conversations.
- Stay connected to who she is outside of this.
- Get your own support. This is heavy to carry.
What tends to backfire
Policing meals, bargaining, ultimatums and appearance comments almost always increase secrecy. So does relief expressed about how she looks, in either direction.
You can be firm about seeking care without being the one who supervises eating.
When to move faster
Fainting, chest pain, severe weakness, vomiting blood or rapid changes in health call for medical attention now. If she talks about not wanting to be here, call or text 988 in the United States or go to the nearest emergency room.
Common questions
Can I make an appointment for my daughter?
For a minor, a parent or guardian usually makes the first contact. An adult needs to reach out herself.
Should I mention what I have seen?
Yes, once, kindly and specifically, then keep the relationship warm rather than repeating it daily.
What if she says she is fine?
That is common. Stay close, keep the door open, and get support for yourself in the meantime.
Learn more about counseling for eating disorders and body image with Lori, or browse all articles on eating, food and body image.
Written by Lori Rasmussen, LISW, a Licensed Independent Social Worker licensed in the State of Iowa and a Certified Spiritual Director. Lori counsels women and female students in Waterloo, Iowa and online across Iowa. Articles here are meant to help you understand what you may be experiencing; they are not a diagnosis and they do not take the place of care from a professional who knows your story.
Reaching out can be the first step.
You don't need to know exactly what to say, or have anything figured out, before you contact Lori.
Or email rasmussencounselingandsd@gmail.com