Article
How can I help someone I love who is anxious or depressed?
Watching someone you love struggle is its own kind of hard, especially when everything you try seems to land wrong.
The short answer
The most helpful things are usually steady presence, specific offers, and not requiring the person to be better before you stay close. Advice, reassurance and problem solving often land as pressure, even when they are meant with love.
What tends to help
- Ask, then listen without fixing. Most people are not looking for a plan yet.
- Make offers concrete. I am bringing dinner Thursday works better than let me know if you need anything.
- Keep inviting, even when the answer has been no for a while.
- Say the plain thing: I am not going anywhere.
- Take care of yourself too, so your help is sustainable.
What tends to backfire
Reassurance on repeat, urgent advice, and comparisons to people who have it worse usually increase shame. So does treating every conversation as an intervention.
You are allowed to name concern once, clearly and kindly, and then keep being an ordinary presence in their life.
When to act quickly
If someone talks about not wanting to be here, giving things away, or making plans to harm themselves, take it seriously and stay with them. In the United States you can call or text 988, or go to the nearest emergency room.
You can also encourage counseling without managing it for them. Sending a phone number is often enough.
Common questions
Can I make an appointment for my adult daughter?
An adult needs to reach out herself, and you are welcome to share Lori's contact information with her.
Can parents call about a teen?
Yes. A parent or guardian usually makes the first contact for a client under eighteen.
What if she refuses help?
Keep the relationship rather than the campaign. Many people accept help later, and often from the person who stayed steady.
Learn more about counseling for anxiety and depression with Lori, or browse all articles on anxiety and depression.
Written by Lori Rasmussen, LISW, a Licensed Independent Social Worker licensed in the State of Iowa and a Certified Spiritual Director. Lori counsels women and female students in Waterloo, Iowa and online across Iowa. Articles here are meant to help you understand what you may be experiencing; they are not a diagnosis and they do not take the place of care from a professional who knows your story.
Reaching out can be the first step.
You don't need to know exactly what to say, or have anything figured out, before you contact Lori.
Or email rasmussencounselingandsd@gmail.com