Article
Where does worth come from when achievement is not enough?
You did the thing. You waited for it to feel like enough. It lasted about a week.
The short answer
Achievement can produce satisfaction and cannot produce durable worth, because each accomplishment resets the standard. Worth that holds tends to rest on something that does not fluctuate with performance, which for many women includes their faith.
The achievement loop
Perform, receive approval, feel relief, notice the relief fading, raise the target. The loop is efficient at producing output and poor at producing peace.
It usually took years to build, often with plenty of encouragement along the way.
What else worth can rest on
- Being known by people who are not evaluating you.
- Character you can practice on an ordinary day.
- Work you find meaningful whether or not it is noticed.
- For women of faith, being loved by God apart from performance.
- The plain fact of being a person rather than a set of results.
If faith is part of this for you
Many women know the theology and cannot feel it. That gap is worth talking about rather than trying harder at. Faith is always welcome in the room here and never assumed or required.
Common questions
Is ambition a problem?
No. The question is whether your worth is riding on the outcome.
Does Lori bring faith into this?
Only if you want it. Faith is an invitation here, never a requirement.
What if I have believed this my whole life?
Long-standing beliefs still shift, usually gradually and with support.
Learn more about counseling for self-worth and confidence with Lori, or browse all articles on self-worth and confidence.
Written by Lori Rasmussen, LISW, a Licensed Independent Social Worker licensed in the State of Iowa and a Certified Spiritual Director. Lori counsels women and female students in Waterloo, Iowa and online across Iowa. Articles here are meant to help you understand what you may be experiencing; they are not a diagnosis and they do not take the place of care from a professional who knows your story.
Reaching out can be the first step.
You don't need to know exactly what to say, or have anything figured out, before you contact Lori.
Or email rasmussencounselingandsd@gmail.com